My Glamorous Life 
Don’t take a tour, of my abode; it’s just a bit bigger than a commode.

Shooting rats in my backyard’s my safari; my ‘70 Gremlin’s my Ferrari.

You’ll never see me on a ski vacation; on my days off I work at a gas station.

I don’t have time, to play croquette; I robbed the neighbor’s Christmas display.

I defend my household, with a Ginsu knife.
Do you not envy my glamorous life?

Come to my door, and say ‘donate to me’? I’ll tell you I am my own charity.

I’ve never been one for sipping Merlot; I need a loan for a $5 ho.

Street bums approach me, and offer me money; beauty salons, well I think they are funny.

Stand in amazement of my bling-bling; I got it out of a gumball machine.

My world anymore, is torn up with strife.
Come everyone to my glamorous life !


I have no need for a fancy tax shelter; I’m too busy praying for Helter Skelter.

For your birthday you want a fur coat? How ‘bout a somewhat healthy billy goat?

You can forget about 5 golden rings; how ‘bout a bucket of chicken wings?

Our anniversary- tropical cruise? Here is a bottle of bottom shelf booze.

You get all this, if you’ll be my wife.
Stare in horror at my glamorous life.